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Friday, 27 November 2015

Til Death Us Do Part

I can honestly say that being married doesn't feel any different to not being married. Good job we didn't spend tens of thousands of pounds on it then really. What can I say? The day went pretty much as we wanted it to. The Antichrist Bride wore Metallica as previously threatened and drove herself to the venue in her filthy, tatty Fiesta. The ceremony was conducted with Metallica's 'Fade to Black' playing in the background which amused me as it's not your typical wedding song if you read the lyrics. My much loved and well traveled Chicken Run bag was mentioned during the ceremony - a first for the registrar. We took about 6 photos - god how I hate having my picture taken, and we went to a local farm shop restaurant for the meal. They'd never had a wedding party in before so I think we made their day. We had some lovely cards and gifts and I am forever grateful to friends, family and penpal's for thinking about us on our special'ish day. They more than made up for certain mardy arsed individuals who shall remain anonymous. I 'm also eternally grateful to our 2 fabulous witnesses and my stunningly gothed up friend for being there with us. Your support was much appreciated especially as my parents are no longer around to see me get wed. I'm sure there would have been a lot of piss take from both of them about me marrying an Aston Villa fan.

And, just to prove you don't have to get into debt or bankrupt your poor parents to get wed, we did it all for the grand total of £418.38 !!!!
  • Registry Office + marriage certificate  £150
  • Rings  £125
  • Wedding 'favours'  £28.39
  • Grooms shirt and tie  £34
  • Bride's Metallica t-shirt  £15
  • Invites (homemade)  £1.00
  • Cake  £60
  • Velvet flowers  £4.99
No designer dress I will never wear again. No sugared almonds. No venue colour co-ordinated to our outfits. No annoying photographer or overpriced wedding album. No chairs draped in fabric and bows. No expensive wedding transport. No vomit inducing or twee little rituals or performances and no heart attack inducing wedding gift list for John Lewis.

The Infamous Chicken

The Guests

Star Wars cake

The Bride and Groom doing it their way

I'd always said that I would only ever get married in Las Vegas with a fake Elvis at the ceremony. Market Harborough bears no resemblance to Vegas even after 10 pints but 'The King' did make an appearance........

Elvis has left the building

Thursday, 5 November 2015

Who's Counting?

Apparently if I 'cared' I would be able to tell you how many weeks/days/hours/seconds it is to the wedding. Errr it's just under 3 weeks I think, surely that's good enough. I struggle to remember the correct date let alone how long it is. When will the people who are touting it as the 2nd coming of christ get it into their heads that being married is the important bit and not all of the faff before hand. Now if you asked me how long until the new Star Wars film it's 5 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours and 20 mins and counting. Get your priorities right I say. 
Him indoors is off down south for a quiet stag night of 2. Me? I'll be having a hen night for 1 and 2 small dogs. I loathe the archetypal hen do crap and besides who the heck am I going to invite. The WI ladies who are all 80+?! 
I did actually bite the bullet and order a dress (fanfare). Sadly the image online didn't transfer too well and I looked bloody awful in it so back it went. I figured unless I wanted to spend the day stressed out and feeling like a trussed up pig in a barrel, dresses were off the menu. Therefore I will be carrying out my threat and wearing a Metallica t-shirt. It may be customised slightly if I have time but in my head it's all fine. Will I look back in years to come and regret my choice? No I won't. There may be a lot of things I'll regret but being me and being comfortable won't be one of them. 

From day 1 we've said this wouldn't be your run of the mill wedding. So no suits, white fluffy bridal dresses, preposterously expensive wedding present list, bridesmaids, photographers, poncey bloody cars, wedding albums, buttonholes, flowers, decorating the venue with lovey dovey shite or any of the other showy off kind of crap that certain smug marrieds feel they have to ram down your throat. Oh and there won't be sugared almonds on the tables either. Perish the thought!