It's Not You, It's Me.....

Today somebody said to me that their not wanting me to do something (of which I am perfectly capable) was not a 'personal criticism. Err I beg to differ. I do what I do with 100% commitment and I do it well. I am only presuming that these people have joined the many others who think I am a lesser human being because of the purple hair/tattoo's/piercings/fierce Independence/stubborn refusal to breed cos that's what I'm here for (like hell is it). All I will say is don't assume I am dumb because I don't conform and don't insult my intelligence. I have no room in my life for people like this as I wave you a fond farewell. Their loss not mine (well, a little bit).

I am now on week 5 of my dog walking job. I have been bitten (badly) once - my stupid fault and not the dogs (he is now one of my favourites), and I've been pulled over once (my knee is still recovering). My feet finally decided to 'man up' and accept their new lifestyle so I'm no longer hobbling around like an arthritic cripple on a daily basis. I can't say I've noticed the weight dropping off me - maybe that was too high an expectation (damn). I am permanently covered in mud and dog slobber and lovely streaks where they wipe their toys down me to get some attention. I smell of wet dog and dog biscuits most days and the van has a constant aroma of dog parps! Lovely. The lack of glamour is right up my street and I smile inwardly (and smugly) when I see women in town made up to the nines in their designer outfits, swinging their overpriced designer handbags. My 'handbags' cost me 99p for 100 - bargain!

I meet a lot of nice dog owners at our usual haunts. I've learnt how to spot the other Dog Walkers who are up their own arse a wee bit too much, they have a certain 'look' and a certain fashionista way of wearing their many dog leads, and the nutters (of which their are many) who will seek you out to sort out their many problems - not always dog related. Spending 50 minutes having a one way conversation with 3 Labradors is not guaranteed to scare these people away - believe me I have tried.

I've done no crafting at all, shame on me. I did have a valid excuse with 2 gaping holes in my hand but now that's healed I need to get knitting again. Blankets and cushions wait for no man.

These Boots Weren't Made For Walking

I have completed my 1st week as a full-time Dog Walker *fanfare* and my god I am not ashamed to admit that I feel very unfit and half dead. I made the enormous mistake of stepping out on day 1 in my trusty Barbour wellies which were never designed for covering the miles that I am tramping. I have now been reduced to wearing walking boots which pinch. Talk about badly prepared.

This was day 2 - Mud. Mud glorious Mud

I have now met all of my charges - most of which are bouncy Labradors. It's a wee bit of a shame that I have no 'Ninja' sized pooches to step out with but I can't complain. They all have totally different personalities and it's a joy to spend my day with bitches of the canine kind rather than the human kind. Everyone keeps telling me  I will soon be 'mega fit' - I bloody well hope so. I also hope I shift pounds and inches. On Thursday I walked 6.5 miles, yesterday a mad 8.5 miles and every muscle in my poor, battered body feels it. I come home looking like I've rolled in a pig sty and smelling like a kennel - it's wonderful - Kimi is not amused. 

In English that is 8.5 miles!!

Today I bought these in the hope that they save my souls

I've done no crafting what so ever this week as I barely have the energy to lift a mug of tea let alone a pair of knitting needles. Hopefully normality will resume tomorrow as I have loads to make. I did manage to crawl to the W.I. committee meeting but most evenings I'm dead to the world by 9.30pm. Bang goes my social life (which I never had anyway). I get to talk to my canine companions and that's what matters.

You Know It's You Babe

My creative mojo has returned with a vengance and I am currently absorbed in knitting these

I've had the pattern for ages but it required some prompting from an old work mate for me to make a start on it. Super chunky wool and huge thick needles wouldn't normally be my materials of choice but it don't half grow quick which is the satisfying thing. I now have 6 to make! Better get a move on then and make the most of my last 10 work free days.

Oh yes, now I can explain (briefly so as not to bore you) why I have been stuck at home for almost 5 weeks. Never one to mince my words, after several months of shite at work (bullying boss, the constant moaning and whining and crying of the bloody woman sat opposite me, backstabbing and never having been part of the clique) I made the comment that I was fed up of working with arseholes who didn't do their job properly (not a lie) and thanks to someone tittle tattling like a petulant toddler I got suspended. It turns out to have been the biggest bloody favour they could ever have done me as I hated that job, and the company and the people I worked with were so not worthy of my respect. So I haven't sat at home withering away glued to Jeremy Kyle like some tearful sap, I have applied for umpteen jobs (none of which really appealed) and finally and unexpectedly my dream job has appeared! I will be earning a crust as a Dog Walker! No more being stuck in offices with the bitching and backstabbing, staring at a computer screen. I will be outside in all weathers, walking for hours (bye bye fat Me I hope) and spending my time with dogs and not people -  I could not be happier. 

I plan on spending my remaining time turning out knitted VW's at a rate of knots and decorating our pale and uninteresting kitchen before I start my life of non-glamour. Hallelujah for a life of wellies and grunge and tied up hair shoved into a hat and comfy hoodies and not having to have a face full of slap before you grace the workplace. Like I said, I am happier than a pig in muck and with the current apocalyptic weather the way it is I shall probably end up resembling one.

 

Time Keeps On Ticking

How do I best describe the last few weeks? Shall I fanny around the houses and remark everything is fluffy or fess up and say it's been shit? Ok let's cut to the chase - it's been a pile of pants. I'm off work (for reasons which will become clearer in the future - and no I'm not knocked up) and bored out of my skull staring at 4 walls; my confidence has been steamrollered and apart from the wonderful Mrs D down in Brighton I don't trust a living soul but I've coped with that before so onwards and upwards. It's taken me too long to get motivated but finally I decided to attack my stash of small bits of wool.

I now have piles of single colour 3" squares to make 'something' out of but gawd knows what - I haven't thought that far ahead. I'm sure when it comes to sewing them together I will curse but the size seemed about right for whatever it is they're going to metamorphosise into - a bag, a waistcoat, a coat, a scarf? Suggestions on a postcard please. I have got way, way ahead on my secret commission so I can take time out for these frivolous ideas which are doing their best to lift my spirits and keep my brain functioning.

Village life seems sedentary.The weather is grim and depressing so you tend to not see a living soul when being dragged around the village by the small Hell Hound. I did drive the pooches out to a local nature reserve for a bit more freedom and open space......it seemed like such a good idea until Kimi expressed his delight in deep mud and riverbanks. Trying to manhandle 2 Yorkies into the shower was tricky and the aftermath resembled the Somme! I long for freezing cold sunny days and may have to get the daylight lamp out to fool my brain into thinking it's spring for half an hour.

 I have my first WI meeting next week as a committee member and need to come up with some ideas to put a bit of Oomph into our activities. Paint balling and Zorbing won't come across as being appropriate but we do need some fun despite the average member age being 70. Come to think of it some of the older ladies might be up for such hair brained and adrenaline fuelled days out - maybe I will suggest it after all.

It's All Over Bar the Shouting

Blimey. Was it worth all of that expense, rushing around and panic just for 1 day? This year I'd probably say yes. I managed to finish all of my secret squirrel knitting projects the weekend before Christmas with a huge sigh of relief

One Goth Doll finally completed (only took me over 6 months).....

...and one Harry Potter Rabbit - finished during a Harry Potter film - who'd have guessed.

Christmas day was spent at home and was bliss. There's a lot to be said for slobbing around and eating what you want when you want. I think more people should try it. Boxing Day was a more manic affair with a 3 hour drive to Hove, 3 hours on Lancing Beach and a 3 hour drive home but it was worth it to see my closest friend and her family and the weather was lovely.

I guess now we're all gearing ourselves up for the New Year. 2014 is mainly going to be a year of penny pinching and frugality (oh joy). My 2 major aims are to find a new job, preferably one that is more emotionally rewarding and where I don't have a mentally dysfunctional arsehole for a boss; and I need to lose weight and get fit. At my age I'm fed up of being the 'fat one' so it's all systems go. I start Thai Boxing lessons on Monday!

Right, which of my 30+ unfinished projects do I get cracking with next?

A Fitting Tribute

10 days to go to 'C' day and I'm hoping all the build up to it won't leave me feeling a bit deflated. The tree went up last weekend which I must admit is a job I love. I can look at the decorations and remember where each one came from. There are rather a lot of dog ones I insisted on buying every year for generations of pooches; some of my Mum's ornaments from our family tree; lace and wooden fancies from my travels around Europe which make me smile and of course this year I have to add the Alpaca wool snowflake. I do love our tree. I did expect to find Kimi clinging to the branches as he appeared to wonder what the heck was going on but after a quick sniff he lost interest.

The festive crafting projects are in full swing and I'm surrounded by carrier bags of body parts - that is all I can say. No more getting covered in PVA - that is wrapped and under the tree and one of the dog stockings is now in Worthing with Timmy's girlfriend. Timmy and Izzy's stocking are up but sadly the stockings of dogs long gone had been attacked by moths so are looking a bit tatty. I have declared war on the minuscule flying munchers and I will win.

After a lot of umming and ahhing, good ideas and bad I trotted off to the Tattooist last Friday to have what I saw as a fitting tribute to Timmy inked on my skin. After nearly 3 hours, 1 bout of almost passing out (note to self - eat lunch next time), half a galaxy bar, a cup of water and a cup of tea I had this on my thigh.....

This is the photo it was done from - I hadn't had him and Izzy long and we'd just set off on our travels in the van. The expression was typical for him and usually preceded one of his 'conversations' with me.

I am forever grateful to Marek at Eternal Art in Rugby for his superb artwork. It's made me re-think what's possible for tattoo's no:10, 11, 12.........

On a slightly stranger note - Thursday was our final Women's Institute meeting of 2013 and also our Christmas supper. We're not a huge group - about a dozen members or so, so it was quite a blow to lose our Secretary who is moving away and also our treasurer. I was voted onto the committee! and then asked if I would take over the secretary role! Well how could I refuse though it did leave me wondering how many of the local branches have one who is young enough to be their offspring, has scarlet hair, numerous piercings and 9 tattoo's oh and insists on wearing odd stripey socks. Maybe this is what it needs to drag it into the 21st century so I shall do my best. I've also been asked to teach several of the ladies how to crochet. Blimey!

Anyway must get back to the knitting. Why do I leave things until the last minute and then get into a right old panic? Note to self for 2014 - be more organised.

It's That Most 'Wonderful' Time of the Year

Winter is well and truly creeping in. Walking out of the door almost requires arctic gear and the dogs are being made to wear their new coats to keep them warm and semi dry - this they don't appreciate one little bit. The smell of wood smoke permeates the air which is lovely on a cold, crisp day.
My creative mojo has been a bit on the sluggish side lately which is typical when I have a load of stuff to get done urgently !!!! So far though I've completed 1 dog Xmas stocking and the 2nd just needs sewing together...

I have 3 projects on the go that are Chrimble presents so can't say much or post pics but I'm up to my eyes in knitting and stuffing and PVA glue - enough said. I am apparently one of those annoying people who has written all of her cards and bought and wrapped 80% of her presents. I'm just trying to get into the mood so this Christmas isn't a letdown like the last 13 have been. We are going to Brighton on Boxing day to see my kindred spirit and her family and have a BBQ on the beach - splendid.

Yesterday I went to a local Alpaca Farm for a 'crafting afternoon' that I treated myself to off Groupon. We had 2 hours to crochet a snowflake from Alpaca yarn and when I saw the pattern I was filled with dread as I don't think my crocheting skills stretch beyond granny squares. But Hey Presto in an hour and a half I had a completed snowflake that I managed to do without much help from the tutors - lots of people there had never crocheted in their lives, and I'm pretty well chuffed with it. Of course now my mind is whirring as to how many of these I can bang out alongside my other stuff.

The yarn was beautiful to work with but a very 'ouchy' £18 for 100g. The highlight of my afternoon was meeting the Alpacas - they are just gorgeous

Swoon

Never did a group of blokes look so adorable

The lady taking the class told us a bit about them and their fleece and that apparently you can buy them from the farm from £200 to £1000! Well that did it - my ridiculous 'Dear Santa' request this year (the sort you have no hope in hell of getting) is for a pair of Alpacas. I'm sure somebody in the village has chickens or sheep and lambs they'd like guarding and I could take them for walks around the village! And think of the wool I'd get and how calming and de-stressing they would be. I will be asking around when I meet up with the village crafting posse at our Festive meal. Other Half is smacking his forehead in desperation as he knows I'm serious and he imagines coming home to find an Alpaca in the garden. Life is never dull :)