I Resolve

So the bloody festive season is just about over and the whole country has gone yampy at the sales - sometimes being broke has its advantages. Not being one to treat New Year as an excuse to stick my tongue down strange blokes throats I'm sitting here being bombarded by trashy TV and trying to get my creative mojo up and running. I'm making a list - not resolutions as such, I think of them more as goals. There's the usual 'eat healthier' and 'get more exercise' - I aim to do a lot of walking. Top of my list is to sell my motorhome - I need a normal life and the van needs to be used and loved; buy a bread machine and make my own gluten free loaves rather than waste time trying to track down something more elusive than the hold grail and nearly as expensive; learn 1 or 2 new crafts to broaden my horizons and maybe make a bit of money on the side; do some meaningful voluntary work; bugger off abroad - Belgium and America feature highly on my list as the lure of chocolate, beer and Disneyland is very, very strong!

Right, back to the Da Vinci Code and my tin of Heroes. If this albino monk wants to inflict so much pain on himself then why doesn't he just shove the crucifix up his arse and be done with it instead of resorting to whips and chains? I'll never understand religion.

Ho Ho No

That's Christmas over for another year. I think I survived it intact and only semi-shell shocked after too many years on my own with 2-3 Yorkies for company and a festive dinner that usually involved toast. To find yourself around a table with 10 other people, a huge roast dinner and presents can all be a bit overwhelming. The dogs had a fabulous time with the usually grumpy Timmy almost wearing the tree and assuming that everything wrapped in paper must be for him

The 'freak from' Xmas pudding made by my own fair hand back in mid October was sublime, sadly the remainder of my day was only spoiled by my BF referring to me by his 'not yet *ex wife's*' name! Crap timing on his part as he was opening my main pressie to him but he certainly got the quiet night he was after as I refused to speak to him. Some people really should embrace the saying 'think before you speak'. It's very nearly a case of 3 strikes and you're out. Next time I'll just crack him over the head with the rather marvellous and heavy wooden chopping slab he had from his family and be done with it.

No More Bah Humbug

All the presents are wrapped (well mine are) - lack of family means I only buy for a few people, 1 cat and my 2 dogs - so I am ready for my 1st proper Christmas since 2001. For the first time in 11 years I will not be spending the 25th on my own with naff all under the tree and eating whatever I fancy (usually cheese on toast). I visited the van this morning to collect a few bits and to reminisce and wish It a merry Xmas - yes I do 'do' talking to inanimate objects especially my much beloved vehicles and I don't care who knows it. I'm having a well deserved break from wielding a crochet hook or from sewing anything festive. There's a lemon drizzle cake in the oven  and I am counting down to a proper lush roast dinner on Tuesday and the gluten free pud I made which I will covet like a woman possessed. I was hoping to avoid the sheer mental state that is Xmas Eve shopping but like a twit I need 'freak from' bread so have to run the gauntlet that is Waitrose tomorrow. I swear that next year I am saving up for a bread machine so I no longer have this faff of hunting down a decent gluten free loaf nor the (dis)pleasure of forking out nearly £3 a time for something the size of a rats suitcase.

I Can Piss A Rainbow

I'm not usually one to blow my own trumpet on a grand scale but today I feel I'm allowed a 'Ta dah' moment as this - my '50 shades of Grey' blanket.....

....made its recipient cry!! With gratitude and not disappointment I hope. So after around 100 hours, 11 balls of wool and more ends to sew in than I care to remember I'm allowing myself an evening of reassuring myself that I am a damned good person. Have no fear, it's not going to go to my head and I'm not going to be on here every week proclaiming 'Ta Dah' moments, or that I feel I could piss sparkly glitter or kiss my own arse or crap a rainbow. And if I do then feel free to slap me and shove me in a dark room with a crochet hook and a bag of wool.

Lists, Lists and More Lists!

I've decided that this is a fraught time of year if you're the type of person who 'makes stuff'. I was up until 1.30am working on the '50 shades of grey' granny blanket which I have vowed to finish before Xmas as it's a present for a rather fabulous person. Add to that the stockings I still have to complete - Boyfriend and the 2 dogs have 1 each, I don't have time to do myself one so I'm having to make do with the pet shop bought dog/cat stocking that belonged to my 3 Ninja's! How wrong is that. As if there weren't enough hours in the day, too much time has been wasted doing mundane tasks and domestic crap so I haven't even touched a crochet hook today. I should be thankful that I couldn't be a guest at tonight's WI meeting in the village hall as it's their Xmas do as my creativity would be well buggered fitting that in. So it could be another late night tonight with me huddled under my daylight lamp with the much despised reading glasses perched on my nose, crochet spread across my lap and copious amounts of tea being consumed. As if that wasn't bad enough I've decided to do a load of baking as extra presents - I blame the Hairy Bikers as their Christmas programmes this week have given me stupid ideas. I already planned to make a lemon drizzle  cake on Xmas Eve for someone but now in my infinite wisdom have added Florentines and possibly Xmas pudding vodka to that list!!! The wall is covered in Post-its reminding me of the tasks ahead, there are reminders on my phone and my trusty notebook that I carry everywhere (and hyperventilate if I forget it) is crammed with lists and day to day reminders of 'to do's' and 'to make's'. I could say I need a holiday but my mind doesn't work that way. I've decided I need chickens - much to the BF's amusement. Our landlord has been understanding enough to allow the dogs (and me if we're honest) but I think he may draw the line at my longing for a couple of Pekin Bantams. It's my maternal streak raising its stupid head but only for furbabies. I long for the days when I used to share my sofa with Naboo my much loved hen. The days of having a pet who drank tea and laid her eggs on the armchair are just a long lost dream. I'll just have to make do with growing veggies in pots on the patio. That's another thing to add to the dratted lists.

                                                 Timmy clearly overwhelmed by my talents

Fuel For The Fire

It's amazing how much crochet one woman (me) can bang out when fuelled by 3 hours of Russell Crowe in a skirt (Gladiator). Maybe this is the answer to my finishing the '50 Shades of Grey' blanket by Dec 23rd.....hours and hours of beefcake to inspire me. It's a thought - now who do I fancy firing up my crochet hook over tomorrow?

Square Eyes

One of my most annoying habits is having several creative projects on the go at the same time. This isn't because I'm a glutton for punishment but because I tend to start something quite monumental and then after a while it really starts to get on my tits so I make a start on something else to sooth my soul and calm my nerves and so the cycle begins and my UFO (unfinished objects) pile gets bigger and Bigger and BIGGER!. I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to crocheting granny blankets as I go all 'gung ho' at doing the squares and then I'm left with a pile of squares that need the wool ends sewing in - a job I loath. This is why I'm now in a panic to finish a blanket for Christmas. It could be worse, I only have 30 squares to tidy up - that's 12 ends of wool to sew in per square (urgh) so I'm doing 6 at a time and then sewing squares together to form the finished pattern then back to sewing in for a bit. Can't someone invent a machine that does the crap, nasty bits so I can just get on with being creative?!

Swapping 4 Wheels For 4 Walls

As it's now official - my name being on a tenancy agreement - I felt I had to (sadly) give up my travelling blog and start something new. Whether or not I can make village life/becoming a member of the WI and turning myself into a crafting, whirling dervish as interesting as pootling around the UK and Europe in a motorhome and taking the piss out of caravanners misfortunes and weird habits remains to be seen. So wish me luck as I ingratiate myself into domestic, posh village living and chutney making  :)