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Saturday, 10 October 2015

Krakow - A Whirlwind Romance

5 days in Krakow didn't seem like long enough to see and do everything that we wanted. Judging by the protests of my screaming knee joints and poor battered feet, it was more than enough and I'll just have to make a repeat visit to go on that longed for Communist tour. If I had a zloty for every gobsmacked comment we've received on our choice of holiday destination we'd be flying back tomorrow. "Poland? Really? Why would you want to go there? They're all over here anyway." Once you've waded through the typical English ignorant shite there are lots of reasons to visit, just grab a guide book and take a look for yourself. We don't all relish spending our holidays lounging around a pool or on a beach like a lard arsed, pasty beached whale. Some of us like to learn stuff and see beautiful and historic places instead of spending all of our time in the only British pub/eatery in bloody Spain because we can't stand that 'foreign muck'. Urgh. People like that make me want to puke.
So to keep it fairly brief, here's my lowdown on the beautiful and bewitching Krakow.


  • Our hotel - The Poleski on the banks of the river directly opposite Castle Wawel. No complaints at all. Great room, friendly and helpful staff, delicious breakfast with a view to die for and a 15 minute walk into the town.
  • Castle Wawel - well worth a visit. It's free to go in, you only pay to see the state rooms etc or as we did - Leonardo Da Vinci's 'Lady with the Ermine' painting (which knocks spots off the Mona Lisa and we didn't have to battle crowds 30 deep to see her).
  • The Old Town and Market Square - just stunning with the Cloth Hall at it's centre and more bars and restaurants around it's perimeter than you can shake a stick at. Busy at all hours of day and night with music, people jostling for your custom on tours, sightseeing horses and carriages (which I refuse to go in), it's the place to be.
  • St Mary's Basilica - for a raging Atheist/Heretic I have a huge love of religious architecture and stunning interiors and this place has to be one of the best I've ever seen. A few quid gets you in. Pick your jaw up off the floor on your way out.
  • Free Walking Tours Foundation - Google them and then meet up for your preferred tour. The guides are funny and very knowledgeable, and it's a great way to see the city.
  • Food and Drink - to us Brits it's downright cheap. One bar we found on the square was doing beer/wine/coffee/tea for a quid!! Yes a £1. They also did food and I had potatoes with white cheese and it was bloody lovely. The Polski Pub do fab pizza and they are responsible for my sudden love of Orkisz vodka. We had a particularly good night there after doing the Macabre Tour and 3 beers, 2 glasses of red wine, a pot of Assam tea and a glass of vodka came to a breath stealing 74 zloty which is about £13.50!!!! There is so much choice that you won't starve. Of course if you can't bear to let go of England there are several Costa Coffee's, Starbucks and McDonald's *shudder*
  • Cafe Mini and Karmello Chocolatier - Eye popping cakes, chocolates and coffee. Walk past if you can.
  • Tour to Auschwitz/Birkenau - while I'm glad I went on this tour I could have done without the obscene amounts of people milling about but I guess it's to be expected. Everyone should visit if only to bring it home what atrocious conditions these people were forced to endure. I did think though that the 'souvenirs' shops were a little bit in poor taste. Yes we all want a magnet of the gas chambers on our fridge - NOT!
  • Krakow airport - my idea of hell. It wouldn't be so bad if the airport staff weren't dressed like the bloody KGB and had no patience what so ever. I was probably a hairs breadth away from being locked up for my refusal to bin my vodka and my anger at having to remove my footwear!
  • Most Krakowvians speak excellent English but will appreciate you making the effort, even if it's just "Hi or Bye".
I can't wait to go back as there's a Communist Tour I'm itching to go on and then of course there's the food and the vodka........





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